I have been flailing these last few months, not sure who I am, what role I play in life and I have been having a hard time living in the moment, but rather, always looking for the next exciting moment or stage of life for my kids. I have been struggling with being a mommy and an employee and a wife and in that I realize that I don’t have a ME for me, but rather all these collections of moments that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing for someone else. The old saying, “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” has been flashing across my mind a lot lately and I realized in all of those flashes that I can’t love me if there is no me, just a bunch of different parts I play to different people in my life.
This year I want to live in the moment. I want to be at work when I’m at work and I want to be with my kids when I’m with my kids. I need to put my phone away. I need to ignore emails and I need to BACK AWAY FROM DICE WITH BUDDIES. I need to realize what it takes to be a good wife and I need to be one. The struggle with that is that I don’t know what a “good wife” looks like. How do I do all of that and still have time to be Amber, to make friends and have women in my life that build me up and send me home to my family happier than I was when I left?
I know what I need to do this year, and every year moving forward, but how do I do it… that’s the big question this year?!
How do I be better than I was yesterday and still make everyone in my life happy? But most especially, how do I make everyone else happy while still ensuring my happiness?
One of my greatest friends in the world is coming to visit this weekend. I have a handful of amazing friends, but the thing I love most about this particular friend is the low key maintenance required. We talk via text from time to time, we play words with friends on a regular basis, which I love because I feel connected but not overly involved, I mean, I know she’s there and alive, and I like that. When we get together about twice a year, we pick up right where we left off and we actually have things to catch up on and talk about. The majority of what we do together could best be qualified as nothing, which I love, and we do it while dying laughing. The cherry on the whole friendship is that Mr. Wonderful might enjoy her visits as much as I do. To sum it up, we are awesome together and our friendship rocks!
I’m looking forward to a bunch more of this over the weekend:
….Also known as the presidential elections. I had a hard time with the election of the president this year. Not deciding who I was going to vote for,because that was always a no brainier for me, but because it brought a lot of light to some of my friendships that I had not previously examined at all.
Social media has allowed for people to connect in ways that we hadn’t been able to before. With that ability, I had started collecting people that used to be my friends in real life as “friends” on Facebook. Over the years I have had times when I decided there was no need for me to stay connected to certain people and I ended up un friending a person or two…. But this election really made me think.
Let me preface this by saying that I do agree that people with different beliefs can be friends! But that being said, if you don’t see someone on a regular basis, or ever, and you don’t have the same values in life or the same idea of what our future world should look like…. Why stay friends? Or stay connected?
Maybe the goodness about life pre-Facebook was that you could just walk away from people that didn’t play active roles in your life. Is it worth staying connected to people from your past if you have nothing in common at all except the desire to look at pictures of each other’s kids?!
I don’t have the answer, I just don’t want to feel like I have collected all of the people that infuriate me when I check my Facebook during elections. Or that don’t support my goals and dreams.
If I want to shake you when I read your updates and you want to do the same to me and I NEVER EVER see you in real life…. Then why? Why keep that connection?
Oh Facebook, your complexity has frustrated me once again. I wish times were simple again and people played outside and called their friends….
While I’m not sure what the step by step game plan is, I do know that my overall goal in life is pretty simple… It’s just to live good. Plain and simple, make wise decisions, set my children up to be good humans that the rest of the world will enjoy, spend small moments in love with my husband and keep a smile on my face. Some days, this dream seems to be impossible, while other days, it seems like the easiest goal in the world. Regardless of the way that I feel from day to day, I acknowledge that as long as I have a goal at all, I’m headed in the right direction. If I can keep my eye on the prize, remember to see the small joys in life, then I know that when I look back on my life, I will do so with a smile on my face and happy memories in my heart.
So, on this Tuesday morning, I challenge you to decide on an overall life goal, it’s nice to have something to strive for.
The summer has come and gone and I have had quite a break from ranting to you all, although I have been doing my fair share of ranting to my everyday peeps.
About every third day I think of some amazing thing that I MUST blog about and then before I know what is going on, the day has come and gone and so has the topic.
So, I’m claiming back my me time today, and I’m actually putting pen to paper, well fingers to keyboard anyway, in an attempt to revive this little ole blog of mine.
My summer in a nutshell went a little something like this.
We had our fabulous family reunion, I was sick and fell asleep before the late night shenanigans started….so bummed! My creator of Chaos turned two and we had quite the festivities for the little guy. He had no idea what was going on, but he knew it was special and he loved every second of the attention he got. My little missy started school 3 days a week and is doing so well. One of my besties moved up north and is thriving like crazy. So fun to watch special people in our lives make big decisions and find themselves in great situations! We took the kids on a plane to Seattle, to see family. The chaos creator was an angel on the way up there but GOD HELP US ALL on the way home- he was a nightmare. At the end of the flight I made him show his face to the people that had to endure his drama and yelling, and of course he then went silent and shortly after fell asleep for a very quiet drive home- figures. We had one of our favorite families ever come visit us from Aspen, Co and we had such a good time playing and drinking with them. We put our house up for rent and have started the hunt for a new house which is proving to be super exciting and excruciatingly painful at the same time.
And this weekend we are dropping the kids off with my dad and step mom for their first overnight with them, and little missies first night away from Mr. Wonderful and I.. ever! I am so excited for them to have this experience and even more excited to spend two days with the love of my life doing whatever we want. If I had to guess I would think it will include wine and gambling… the things we love! But one thing is for sure, there will be sleep. There will be lots of sleep and Coffee…while it’s still hot… in a comfy chair without anyone crying. It should be fabulous and I literally cannot wait to hit the road.
Really looking forward to some quiet time now that fall has started. No more vacations on the calendar and the weather will start to cool down. This is my favorite time of year. Autumn roast coffee at my coffee house, leggings, BOOTS and scarves. Cannot wait.
Today I made a decision that made me laugh but I truly believe to be a great perspective. While driving to my 5th location for a meeting in less than 4 hours, I noticed there was a car with duct tape all over it that was driving pretty recklessly. I drove safely behind the tape car for nearly 5 miles and then I noticed he kept stopping short and I decided it was probably not the best decision to drive near anyone that thought fixing a cars issues with duct tape was a good idea. Then I started giggling to myself in the car, because, it was a revolutionary realization. If they get in accidents often enough to stop even getting them fixed professionally, that’s probably not someone I should be driving near. Clearly accidents happened to this car and clearly the driver had no pride of ownership. This is not someone you want to get into a fender bender with… Assuming you could choose. If I can tell you have no pride in your ride, and you think duct tape is a go to after an accident, then I’m cool- ill be on the other side of he freeway driving happily as far away from you as humanly possible.
To those people that rock the tape- good luck out there- but please stay as far away from me as possible in your hoopty. Kthanksbye.
WOW! The last 5 days have been a whirlwind. I started out Thursday by taking the day off to get surgery. By Friday, my first born’s birthday, I was feeling better, but I was overwhelmed with Birthday Fever for my little man, so I took the day off to prep and prepare for the birthday madness. No matter how much I insist that I won’t make birthday’s a big ordeal, I can’t keep my end of the deal. I am a birthday whore! Of all the days out there, birthdays are the best days! A day for someone to feel special and for me, I consider it my personal goal to make everyone, especially my family, feel so super dooper special on their big day.
So, the family started arriving Friday and the fun began. I am positive that my two year old creator of chaos knew what was going on and by the end of the weekend he was even ready for his birthday to be over. It was so special though, he saw everyone that loves him in one place, he ate cupcakes, he played his heart out, he saw his friends and to top it off, he went peepee in the potty!
The word on the street is that the terrible two’s are the worst thing ever, and while I’m positive we will have our fair share of crap go down in the next 365 days, I am loving this stage so far.
He played with all of his new toys this weekend, in his room, and was using his imagination. It was the sweetest thing to watch and I just think he is the coolest little dude out there. I know he is a pill and he challenges me every day, but if he didn’t, I wouldn’t think he belonged to me and Mr. Wonderful.
Thank you to everyone that enjoyed this weekend with us, it was very, very special to everyone in my family.