Yesterday I had a long conversation with a great person who is quickly becoming a close friend of mine about “being the bigger person.” (And before I jump into this whole thing, let me first say, I hate that phrase SOOOOO much!) It feels like every time I’ve ever been at odds with anyone, someone is there to tell me to be the bigger person. It’s exhausting to be honest with you, it makes me feel like if I put my issues aside and get over it, then the other person ends up getting their way and I end up bending to be a person I don’t want to be, just to squash the differences between us.
If you have to set your life standards and personal beliefs aside, then is it still called being the bigger person? Or would it be harder to keep your beliefs and stand up for what you believe in, therefore making you a bigger person in a different way. Maybe walking away from certain people in our lives does make us bigger, it makes us bigger because we know that the infectious person doesn’t add anything to our life, so it’s a necessary move.
It’s fair to say that friends and family play different roles throughout our lives, it’s either a season, a reason, or a lifetime. I think it’s a skill to know the difference and to be able to cut your ties at a necessary point in a relationship.
I don’t see it as winning or losing as much as I see it as sacrifice. In order to be the bigger person in any situation, you have to be able to compromise with the other person and agree to move on and forgive and forget. In order for me personally to do that, I have to actually forgive you and then taking it a step further, I have to be able to see a new type of relationship in our future in order to see the benefit in making amends.
I guess what I’m saying is, don’t expect me to be the bigger or smaller person, expect me to be the person that has weighed out the relationship time and time again and has decided to either get you back in my life, or gracefully let you move on. Maybe this is my own way of being a bigger person in an uncomfortable situation… Friends and family alike. Roles in ones life aren’t handed to you, they are earned.