The evolution of a relationship is something that has always been interesting to me.
You meet someone and spend every waking minute thinking about them, hoping that they call or text.
Then you start dating and you freely call each other all the time. Every time they pass your mind, you shoot them a thoughtful message and carry on with your day.
You start living together and get excited about the thought of coming home to one another.
You decide you want to get serious and you either get married or get a dog… I know it sounds crazy that those are in the same step, but inevitably, people do one or the other first and then the second part follows.
Once you’ve decided you can care for a dog, or that you can’t…then people decide to have a baby.
It’s a this point, during pregnancy that the real relationship is challenged. The men start to process what it will mean to be a dad, but they aren’t dad’s yet.
The woman starts to nurture her body and her baby. She’s a mom the second she finds out she’s pregnant . Meanwhile, that relationship that you have spent so long nurturing, takes back seat to the new life you have started living. No more late nights at the bar or even on the couch, you pass out as early as you can, and it continues like this for 10 months. The nagging starts, lets picks a name, let’s do the baby room, let’s build the crib, we need car seats and on and on and on….
Then the baby comes… duh duh duh…
Now it’s time to start your third life with your partner. First there was dating, then there was the pregnancy and now you are parents.
This step is a gnarly one. Getting on the same page, about everything in your life, and deciding how to raise your new little person or people.
For me, this last step has been a great exciting journey, but I would be lying if I didn’t say that it had changed the relationship that Mr. Wonderful and I had while we were dating, or even married without kids. Every day is a crazy new journey that brings it’s own challenges and it makes it harder to even see the place that you had once started. The foundation of why Mr. W and I fell in love seems 9000 miles away, but there is a new foundation being formed every day, one that involves the kids, the loves of our lives, and each other as parents. It’s not better or worse, it’s just different and it adds to the story of our journey together. Every day we take a step forward, we leave behind what he had and pick a new direction to start a new foundation.
Marriage is not for the faint of heart, nor is parenting, but those of us that successfully tread water and eventually learn to navigate these waters… we are better people for it.
To all of you that find yourselves somewhere in the evolution of a relationship, hang on….it’s a wild ride!