I have been flailing these last few months, not sure who I am, what role I play in life and I have been having a hard time living in the moment, but rather, always looking for the next exciting moment or stage of life for my kids. I have been struggling with being a mommy and an employee and a wife and in that I realize that I don’t have a ME for me, but rather all these collections of moments that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing for someone else. The old saying, “you can’t love someone until you love yourself” has been flashing across my mind a lot lately and I realized in all of those flashes that I can’t love me if there is no me, just a bunch of different parts I play to different people in my life.
This year I want to live in the moment. I want to be at work when I’m at work and I want to be with my kids when I’m with my kids. I need to put my phone away. I need to ignore emails and I need to BACK AWAY FROM DICE WITH BUDDIES. I need to realize what it takes to be a good wife and I need to be one. The struggle with that is that I don’t know what a “good wife” looks like. How do I do all of that and still have time to be Amber, to make friends and have women in my life that build me up and send me home to my family happier than I was when I left?
I know what I need to do this year, and every year moving forward, but how do I do it… that’s the big question this year?!
How do I be better than I was yesterday and still make everyone in my life happy? But most especially, how do I make everyone else happy while still ensuring my happiness?